hey its me..
i really need to let it out now..
they told me how they feel when i'm arnd..
and i felt completely, utterly fucking disgusted with myself..
what am i doing getting the way of others relationships??
I'M SUCH A JERK!
they have been so supportive for me. gave me strength. gave me faith, hope. and gave me advice.
and what i gave them?? PROBLEMS. i feel so~ god i want to kill myself for their sake.
I'm happy for them, but i just can't seem to do, what i want to do..
i knw many times i cross the line. but the line kept getting smaller and smaller.
i didn't want to step over their head but i did.
ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO FIND A RELATIONSHIP, I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR LIKE A YEAR?
I REALLY WANT TO NOT JUST YOU GUYS BUT ME TOO. I KNW U HAD TO TAKE MY FEELING IN CONSIDERATION I APPRECIATE THAT. I ALWAYS FELT KIND OF AWKWARD, BEING ALONE SINGLE.
I ALWAYS CRY MY HEART OUT EVERYTIME I WENT INSIDE MY ROOM. KEPT TALKING TO MYSELF, MAKING SELF DELUSIONS. EVERYTHING THAT CAN MAKE ME GO PSYCHO. A FREAK!
I HATE BEING ALONE, EVERY NIGHT I WISHED THAT MY FANTASIES WOULD COME TRUE. BUT FUCK IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. THIS ISN'T FAIRY TALE OR ANYTHING BUT I WISH IT WAS.
WHY WON'T THIS PAIN JUST STOP!!!!!?????
EVERYTIME I LOVE THERE WILL BE HATE. SO I SHOULD HATE TO BE LOVED??
THIS IS SO LIKE ASLAM. NO OFFENCE. BUT I JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT OFF.
MAYBE I SHOULD DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THEM FOR A WHILE. I GUESS MY PRESENCE JUST CAUSE PROBLEMS.. I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE MY HAPPY MOMENTS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THEM.. I'VE BEEN SO~~ SELFISH THINKING EVERYONE IS HAPPY BUT THE FACT IS SOMETIMES THEY'RE NOT.. AND NOW I KNW.!
I SHOULD APOLOGIZE AND MAYBE DISBAND MYSELF FROM THEM. YEAH MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.. IT WILL BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE..THEY WON'T MISS ME..THEY HAVE EACH OTHER, I JUST KNW THEY WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY.. I JUST KNW IT..
IF I MET THEM OR ANYTHING I SHOULD PUT ON MY HAPPY FACE..
YEAH MAYBE THAT WON'T LET THEM WORRY ABOUT ME..
WTH?? WHY WOULD THEY WORRY ABT ME..HAHAHAHHAA I'M SUCH A DUMBASS..
THEY WON'T EVEN REALIZE I'M NOT THERE...YEAH THAT WOULD BE BETTER..
MY EXISTENCE WILL BE TOTALLY ERASE..YES THAT'S GOOD. NO MORE PROBLEMS WILL EVER HAPPEN AGAIN..YEAH THEY NO NEED TO WORRY..RIGHT THEN ITS SETTLE I SHOULD DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THEM FOR NOW..OR MAYBE TILL NEVER..
YEAH THAT WOULD BE BETTER.. CAUSE I KNW I WON'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANY SOON..WHATEVER EVENTS THEY MAKE I WILL JUST SAY I'M BUSY YEAH THAT'S A EXCELLENT IDEA...MY GOD I'M SUCH A GENIUS!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
